Tuesday, 18 December 2007

The Merkin Connection, s'il vous plait, Doctor Wu

Steely Dan said it in 'Doctor Wu' :

'Don't seem right
I've been strung out here all night
I've been waiting for the taste
You said you'd bring to me'

She's desperate for a fix and I am The Candyman, today.

What do you want, exactly?

I want the strong stuff
I need the strongest stuff

Why not try a little of this mild stuff to start with?

No! I need the strong stuff. Now!

Maybe a little 'helper' to get you on the way?
You don't want to be wasted so early in the afternoon.
We have got all day to get through.

But, I need it now.

So, I give her a syringe of Happiness to top up the slow release Morphine she had in the morning.
And Hey Presto! the pain goes away, as I knew it would.
As she knew it would.
As we knew it would.

Hey, it's good gear we have in this place.

I have to look after the stash for her.
Not a user of MiniSmack, myself, but I can't take the chance of leaving it with her.
So, I keep it hidden.

She ain't gonna deliberately OD, I don't think, but she might forget and double hit or triple hit.
A slug here or a slug there might be too much.

It's like being in jail or being the main man in the housing scheme.
I am the drugs Kingpin in this place, the Mister Big, the Gruba Ryba (in Polish).
I am also the the gopher who carries the dope from the stash to the user.
And I clear away the evidence afterwards.
Neat and tidy.
And the chances of getting hassle from the fuzz is minimal.
Like any Kingpin, I have a 'get out of jail free card'.

It's my mother's gear, Ociffer.

Of course, my mother prefers not to think about the fact that we have a branch of BootsTheChemist in the kitchen.
My mother doesn't do drugs, you see.

You do see, don't you?

Let's go back a few months to the agony my mother is enduring.

I speak to the one family member who makes Jean Brodie seem a positive Libertine and we disagree as to the way to go.

I say to Miss Brodie 'if you guys can't sort something out, I am going to the local dive to get a bit of hash for pain relief for her'.

You can't do that - she would never take drugs and, anyway, drugs are illegal and just plain wrong.

I try to explain the medicinal usage of hash and how it would help.

Not good enough for the stern Mistress who believes high chairs and mince and tatties are the cure all for sore backs - even cancerous ones as it turns out.

No point in arguing about it, is there?

And four months later, as I am feeding her up with enough Morphine to give Pete Docherty a reasonable night, I am reminded of Miss Brodie's words.

My mother doesn't do drugs. Simple.


lavenderblue said...

Your Mother NEEDS them.
She has a RIGHT to a pain-free existence.
It is NOT your choice as when to 'dose' her up.
you have NO right to decide.
Pete Doherty ? -who the FUCK cares about him.....
Give on demand is,I believe, the way to go.
You choose to booze.
Your problem.
Your Mother = her life,not your life.
Do not play god.
This whole post has sickened me.

Merkin said...

Sweet as you are, I think you have probably misunderstood the whole point of the article.
Read it again when less tired.

I have been tasked by my mother with keeping her pain free whilest allowing her to be compos mentis.

This I am doing, as well you know.

The point of the article was that I could have kept her pain free a number of months ago using relatively light, but illegal, drugs whereas now she needs to be on heavy drugs, albeit legal ones. That was all.
It was just a note of irony.

The booze reference from you I did not understand, at all, in relation to what I wrote.
Calm down, Lavender.

Pixie said...

I hope your mum is getting a measure of peace. It must be so hard to be the person who doesn't do drugs and now can't live without them, to feel half human.

Merkin said...

Well, yes.
We have the dosage right at present and she is not in pain.

As for the other, she probably couldn't conceive that the stuff she is using is the same gear that people are paying good money for on the streets - and often stolen from chemist shops.

She specifically told the Consultant two months ago that she didn't want 'that stuff again' as it made her drunk!!
However, she needs it now.

Thank you for your concern, oh pixelated one.

zola a social thing said...

Deep and good post Merkin : When my father was needing the shots it could have been slowed awhile with kinds of hash. But no.
The morphi-trick was the only official appropriate drug.
Worst thing was when even this needed to be stopped it was the end.
Sitting and trying to sleep with him unto death was something.

I think all of us have much to do in this sad arena of correct behaviour styles.
And anyway to write about it all seems ok even if not always for all at all times.

My best wishes Merkin.
PS : I think LavenderBlue did not mean harsh words.

Merkin said...

Zola, thanks the the kind thoughts.
And thanks for the PS too.
Lavender has been a bulwark in this situation and I know her concern for us is boundless.
She had spoken with my mother only a couple of hours before posting and also knew my take on the drugs angle.
I just suspect she had imbibed a little Xmas cheer in the intervening period and was a bit too quick to 'understand'.
Heheheheeh, we all do it sometimes.

zola a social thing said...

This whole thing is demanding of all people in so many ways.
We do the best we can at the time.
That is all.

zola a social thing said...

Happy Xmas Merkin.

Jose said...

I'm awfully sorry for being late, for not being in touch before you sent me your mail. Unfortunately I've been off the path for quite a while for personal reasons.

I think I can understand what you are going through. It is first of all a question of dignity, of avoiding suffering whenever possible by all the means at our reach. It is also a problem of conscience, but this problem should be left aside because we can do with our own bodies what we wish, but it isn't so with anybody else's, much less so if that somebody else is deeply loved by us.

We are free to do what we wish but those in front are free, too. We are their mere instruments, their mere tools for them to achieve that freedom.

Merkin said...

Jose, better late than never.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Your bete noir, Anticant, came up with something similar so there is hope for us all!!