Steely Dan said it in 'Doctor Wu' :
'Don't seem right
I've been strung out here all night
I've been waiting for the taste
You said you'd bring to me'
She's desperate for a fix and I am The Candyman, today.
What do you want, exactly?
I want the strong stuff
I need the strongest stuff
Why not try a little of this mild stuff to start with?
No! I need the strong stuff. Now!
Maybe a little 'helper' to get you on the way?
You don't want to be wasted so early in the afternoon.
We have got all day to get through.
But, I need it now.
So, I give her a syringe of Happiness to top up the slow release Morphine she had in the morning.
And Hey Presto! the pain goes away, as I knew it would.
As she knew it would.
As we knew it would.
Hey, it's good gear we have in this place.
I have to look after the stash for her.
Not a user of MiniSmack, myself, but I can't take the chance of leaving it with her.
So, I keep it hidden.
She ain't gonna deliberately OD, I don't think, but she might forget and double hit or triple hit.
A slug here or a slug there might be too much.
It's like being in jail or being the main man in the housing scheme.
I am the drugs Kingpin in this place, the Mister Big, the Gruba Ryba (in Polish).
I am also the the gopher who carries the dope from the stash to the user.
And I clear away the evidence afterwards.
Neat and tidy.
And the chances of getting hassle from the fuzz is minimal.
Like any Kingpin, I have a 'get out of jail free card'.
It's my mother's gear, Ociffer.
Of course, my mother prefers not to think about the fact that we have a branch of BootsTheChemist in the kitchen.
My mother doesn't do drugs, you see.
You do see, don't you?
Let's go back a few months to the agony my mother is enduring.
I speak to the one family member who makes Jean Brodie seem a positive Libertine and we disagree as to the way to go.
I say to Miss Brodie 'if you guys can't sort something out, I am going to the local dive to get a bit of hash for pain relief for her'.
You can't do that - she would never take drugs and, anyway, drugs are illegal and just plain wrong.
I try to explain the medicinal usage of hash and how it would help.
Not good enough for the stern Mistress who believes high chairs and mince and tatties are the cure all for sore backs - even cancerous ones as it turns out.
No point in arguing about it, is there?
And four months later, as I am feeding her up with enough Morphine to give Pete Docherty a reasonable night, I am reminded of Miss Brodie's words.
My mother doesn't do drugs. Simple.