Tuesday, 31 July 2007

It's not for me, it's for my friend...

Some jobs should not be owned up to.
No, I am not talking about shit-shoveller or rent-boy.

Ever been to a party and met a traffic policeman?.
Did you speak to him about rock music or your latest speeding ticket?

Ever met a lawyer at the same kind of party?
Did you ask for advice about the last time you were wrongfully arrested?

Ever met a doctor and spewed forth the intimate details of your bodily functions?
Well, I haven't - but many people have.

My sister, a doctor, told me a story about the perils of medical life.

'Once struck up a conversation with a gentleman at a church function. He proceeded to tell me all about his rectal bleeding and discharge! It didn't bother me but it sure upset the other people I was talking to when he arrived!'

No problem for her, though, (she is a Terry Wogan fan).

Some occupations attract it (you know who you are).

Nowadays, I suppose you don't want to say you are a dentist - everyone will have a horror story about someone who has had to travel 3 zillion miles to find one taking on new patients.

Still, one of the good things about the influx of Polish dentists has been the language barrier which will save you from an ordeal in the chair.

The ordeal, that is, of having to listen without the luxury of reply.
Award winning songwriter, Ian Davison, has put it better than I could ever do in his song 'Talking Dentist Blues'

Does nobody love a dentist? Do their sweethearts just pretend? Does everybody give them a miss, even their family and their friends? `Cause when they get you there, gagged and helpless in the chair, They rabbit and they drivel till it nearly drives you spare.

Chorus :

“So I’m going to pop these tiny wads of cotton-wool right in,
And hang this suction hose here on your tongue and teeth and chin. And can you open up a little bit more there? Nice and wide.” Until the drill and the fist and the wrist are all crammed right inside.

Three wonderful verses to follow. . . . . .

The full text can be found here and as a special treat you can even download the song.


lavenderblue said...

BUT one of my long- standing and most perfect EVER affairs was with my dentist....actually, I do believe he was of polish descent....but,oh my was he good and memories of the laid back chair will live with me forever

trousers said...

My dentist's assistant, bless her, is loverlee. That's all I'm saying.

lavenderblue said...

'It's not for me.it's for my friend'
Bollocks......oh my god here we go.....and whose urine sample was it ? Ha!
Oh come on ! Own up !!
And I DO mean that !
Hei trousers.so true!

Merkin said...

Good song, no?

lavenderblue said...

Oh yes,the song is So good !

LavenderGreen said...

I'll drink to that.

Pixie said...

if you think dentists have it bad think yourself lucky you're not a clap clinic doctor. Clamydia anyone with your coffee?

Merkin said...

I had a girlfriend who was clap doctor.
Killed two birds with one swab.

Merkin said...

On seeing this story Doctor Sis made some comments about some other patient bloopers.
About the patient with dermatitis who said they were already 'using that WD 45 stuff' and the one whose adherence to good diet was evidenced by the use of 'that unleaded milk'.
The patient who was using TGN spray under the mistaken belief it was TNT spray.
Best of the lot for me, however, was her story of a patient whose relative had suffered a serious head injury.
'Yes, Doctor, he is going to be a caulieflower for the rest of his life.'